Holding On
by macattack
Summary: Lizzie leaves home in an effort to support herself and her daughter and to erase the past, but she finds out that will be very hard thanks to someone. FINISHED!
1. Fateful Night

Disclaimer: I don't own anything  
  
Holding On, and Holding Out Chapter 1: Fateful Night  
  
Thoughts raced through her mind as 23-year-old Lizzie McGuire slammed the door to her apartment and collapsed onto the floor. She was so exhausted she couldn't move but at least now she could breath. She waited a few minutes to regain her strength and reached for her phone. Thinking about what had just happened she didn't even know she was calling Miranda until she picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Can you come over? Now?" Lizzie asked franticly.  
  
"Lizzie? What's going on? You sound awful." Lizzie was crying at this point but she didn't care, all she wanted was to talk to someone that she could trust.  
  
"Please, please." Lizzie begged. "And knock twice, ring three times." She hung up before Miranda could reply, but she knew she'd come.  
  
'If only Gordo were back' Lizzie thought 'then this never would have happened.' Gordo went on a trip trying to get a directing job and was being interviewed by a major movie company. He had been gone for two weeks now and Lizzie was really starting to miss him, now more than ever. He had promised to call that night so Lizzie took a shortcut home, then it happened. Sadly she had missed his call, although all he had said was that he missed her and couldn't wait to come home. She had been hoping to hear when he would be returning or if he got the job.  
Lizzie and Gordo had moved in together about a year before despite their parents' wishes. But their cohabitation had worked out very well, especially under the watchful eye of Lizzie's father.  
As she was wishing Gordo were back she heard 2 knock and three rings at the door. She scrambled to answer it and quickly ushered Miranda into her apartment.  
  
"Okay now are you going to tell me what's going on?"  
  
"Alright, sit down and I'll explain"  
  
Miranda sat down, competly confused and wondering what had happened to Lizzie. She had never seen her friend so upset. Lizzie spoke quickly, not wanting the conversation to be a long one because she knew that would be painful.  
  
"I took a shortcut home because I didn't want to miss Gordo's call, someone raped me and I have no idea who it was."  
  
Miranda was sat in shocked silence after hearing Lizzie speak. Rape, incest, drugs, HIV, AIDS- they were all things she knew existed, but were distant, like something out of a story. She never actually thought they would affect her. Finally accepting what had happened she spoke.  
  
"What are you going to do?" Miranda asked worriedly. Now that the realization of what had happened had set in, and she was worried for her friend.  
  
"I don't know talk to my parents I guess" Lizzie managed to say. She got up and walked towards her door, but her hand froze on the handle. She turned to Miranda sheepishly.  
  
"Will you come with me?" she asked. Still shaken from the recent incident she didn't want to be out on the streets alone.  
Miranda got up and drove Lizzie to her parents' house. As she dropped Lizzie off she thought she ought to be a little more careful herself. She checked every corner carefully. 


	2. Family and Friends

Holding On and Holding Out  
  
Chapter 2: Family and Friends  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, you don't sue me  
  
Lizzie stared at her family from across the room. Their reaction was the same as Miranda's. Silence. She hated it. Why couldn't someone say something, say they were happy she was alive, at least. But they didn't say that. The room just stayed quiet, frozen in time. At last Matt, who home from college for the summer, spoke.  
  
"So, what are you going to do?" He asked, just like Miranda had.  
  
"I'll tell you what she's going to," said Sam, Lizzie's father, angry at whoever it was who had touched his little girl. "she's going to the doctor's tomorrow to get checked out." Lizzie nodded, happy to have some instructions, not to have to deal with this on her own.  
  
"Would you like to stay here tonight?" her mother asked softly. Once again Lizzie nodded. She didn't think she would be able to go back to her apartment alone anyways.  
  
"Fine, but your not staying in my room!" Matt declared. Matt and Lizzie had become closer after she left for college, but they still mocked each other. However, they no more hesitated to listen to each other and lend a helping hand.  
  
"Like I ever would. I'll sleep in my old bedroom." Lizzie snapped at Matt. After Lizzie had moved out of the house, her mother had converted her room into a guest room.  
  
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Lizzie got into a nightgown and lay down on the bed. She felt exhausted. The night's events had been horrific and she was terrified for herself and every girl who had to walk home from work in the dark night after night after night.  
Her mother broke her chain of thought.  
  
"Honey, have you called Gordo?" she asked, worried.  
  
Lizzie shook her head. The last thing she needed was to have Gordo worried about her. He would only make the situation worse by fussing over her. It was a good thing he cared so much, but she didn't want it to be known to the public that some had raped her.  
Suddenly, she sat up, causing her mother to worry.  
  
"I can't go to the doctor's tomorrow." Lizzie exclaimed. "I'm going to Boston for a week to help throw Angela a surprise party and to see her wedding. My flight leaves at 7a.m tomorrow. But don't worry I'm already packed." She added seeing her mother look at her strangely.  
  
"Angela who?"  
  
"Merridew. Soon to be Mills." Lizzie intoned.  
  
Lizzie thought her mother looked rather worried, but knew she would let her go.  
  
"Well. Alright it can't hurt that much." She decided finally. 


	3. End of and Era

Holding On, and Holding Out Chapter 3: End of an Era  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Jaylancie-Lizzie can go to the doctors IN Boston.  
  
As Lizzie stepped off the airplane she was disappointed in seeing only Miranda there to greet her.  
  
"Hey, Lizzie" She said cheerfully. "what happened to you? You were supposed to come home last week."  
  
"I know" Lizzie replied, in a daze. "I was busy." It wasn't a lie, just not the whole truth.  
  
"How was it?" asked Miranda, still cheerful.  
  
Lizzie paused. 'Oh, the wedding!' She thought. She had almost forgotten the wedding, and in the midst of everything else who could blame her? "Beautiful." She replied vaguely, as she walked past Miranda went to pick up her bags.  
  
"Are you going to tell me about it?" Miranda said sounding disappointed.  
  
Lizzie looked at her. She looked excited. 'At what?' Lizzie thought. Miranda didn't even know Angela. Miranda had gone to collage in Texas and Lizzie and Gordo had met Angela while at collage in Boston. "No." She replied bluntly.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Do you care what goes on in my life?" Lizzie asked.  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Then I need to tell you something." Lizzie said quickly. This was going to be harder then she thought. She had hoped it wasn't but it was. There was no doubt now.. "I'm pregnant." She said finally, hoping if she said it she might start to believe it.  
  
Miranda was shocked. "What are you going to tell Gordo?" she finally managed to say.  
  
"I don't know." Lizzie said. "I was always careful with Gordo, but in the alley I was unprotected. I guess I'll tell him it's his baby. He might accept that." But Lizzie doubted it. What if he did get that directing job? What would happen then? Would he leave and pursue his dreams? She was more scared now then she had ever been in her life. "I need to. talk to Matt." She said with difficulty.  
  
As Lizzie pulled her car into her parents' driveway she realized she hadn't told them anything yet. But before she even rang the doorbell her mother came running out of the house. "Miranda just called and told us. Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Where's Matt?" Asked Lizzie, she wanted to find out what Matt would if he were in Gordo's place.  
  
"He's upstairs." Her mother said to her. Lizzie raced up the stairs to Matt's room.  
  
"Matt, I need to ask you something." Lizzie said. But before she could continue Matt spoke.  
  
"Tell Gordo it's his baby and he won't leave you. He'll probably be happy and marry you. He was going to eventually, you know." Lizzie was stunned. That was the answer to her unasked question that she wanted.  
  
"Thanks" She murmured. "I can do anything for you?"  
  
"Actually you can." Matt replied. "You can send persuade mom to send me some homemade food every once and a while, when I'm at collage."  
  
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Lizzie arrived at her and Gordo's apartment to find the door unlocked. Scared, she went inside and heard someone moving around in the bedroom. She thought it must be a burglar when she noticed some of Gordo's possessions were missing from the living room. Feeling brave she plunged into the bedroom. Relief flooded her. Gordo was back!  
  
"Gordo!" She screamed. "You're back"  
  
"Well I called to tell you but around the 15th call I remembered you had to go to Angela's wedding in Boston. By the way there's a message on the machine for you. Someone named S. Cress." Gordo said "But never mind that I've got a lot to tell you-"  
  
"Me too." Lizzie interrupted. Gordo smiled at her and continued.  
  
"I got a job to direct a movie trilogy." Gordo said and paused. "In LA."  
  
"Of coarse, where else-?" Lizzie started.  
  
"You don't understand. I'm leaving tomorrow." Gordo said softly "But I promise you I will come back." He added seeing how upset Lizzie looked. Lizzie nodded and went to check S. Cress's message. But before she could, the phone rang.  
  
"Hello?" Lizzie said sadly.  
  
"Miss McGuire?" said a voice on the other line.  
  
"Yes." Lizzie replied, recognizing the voice as Stephen Cress.  
  
"This is Stephen Cress, I am pleased to inform you that you have received the job of working with autistic children under the age of 15 at the School for Autistic Children.  
  
"Thank you." Lizzie replied hardly daring to believe it. She hung up feeling better than she had in a while. It didn't matter that Gordo wasn't coming back now (she knew he wouldn't or he wouldn't have packed everything he owned). She would miss him, but with a baby, she would get over it, and now she found a good way to support herself.  
  
IF YOU READ THIS STORY PLEASE REVIEW!!! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY JUST REVIEW. 


	4. Moving On

Holding On  
  
Chapter 4: Moving On  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.  
  
"Are you crazy?" was Miranda's first reaction when Lizzie told her about her job offer. "That job is in Boston. Do you know how expensive it is to live in the city?"  
  
"Yes, I lived there for several years, thank you very much." Lizzie snapped.  
  
"How did you hear about this job anyway?" Miranda asked, changing the subject.  
  
"Angela told me when I went to her wedding." Lizzie stated. "I told her my current job was waiting tables and she told me about this job. That's why I was a week late coming home. I was doing job interviews." It was the truth, but during the interviews she never thought she would actually get the job. What would she have done if she did get the job? It was before she knew Gordo was leaving. And that had changed everything.  
  
"When are you moving?" asked Miranda, defeated.  
  
"I don't know, they have plans to build the school but it could take a few years. I think I'd move before that, though, I just can't stay in my apartment." Lizzie explained.  
  
"Have you said anything to your parents yet?" asked Miranda hoping they might be able to talk their own daughter out of moving 3,000 miles away.  
  
As Lizzie walked up to her parents' house she went over what she was going to say. 'Tell them I'm going to move, not ask for their permission to move. It won't matter what they say, I'm still going. I have to go.' She thought. But she was scared of what they would say. She rang the doorbell and waited for an answer.  
  
Her mother answered. "Hi, Lizzie." She said softly.  
  
"Hi." She replied. "Is dad here? I need to talk to you both."  
  
"No, he's at work. Is something wrong, honey?" Jo asked her daughter, worried.  
  
"Um.no, but can I talk to you?" Lizzie asked. She was nervous. Her parents had helped her and Gordo pay their rent sometimes, gave them help. Would ignore her if she moved to Boston? Would they still help her if she needed help? Or would they be angry she left and shun her?  
  
But she knew she had to go. That way she could support herself. She wouldn't have to live where she lived with Gordo either. It would have been to painful to live there, when he was living in LA, living his dream. And by living in Boston she could also forget Gordo, maybe.  
  
Her mother's voice brought her back to reality. "You can always talk to me. Come in." She said. Lizzie walked into the living room and sat on the couch. It was now or never. Either get their support or run off and seldom talk to them.  
  
"I'm moving to Boston." Lizzie said suddenly. She was pleased with herself for not delaying the blow to her mother, by waiting for her father. Maybe they would understand if she told them with confidence and strength that she was moving. "I've been offered a job to work with autistic children." She added seeing the look of shock on her mother's face.  
  
Jo looked shocked and confused for a few moments, but then she finally spoke. "Alright" She said in a defeated voice. "We'll all miss you, very much. But if you every need anything, just ask." Lizzie was so surprised she could barely speak.  
  
"What?" she finally managed to say, stunned.  
  
"Lizzie, honey, I don't run your life anymore. I will back you up on any decisions you make." Jo said. "But it is expensive living in the city, so it's lucky I have a son and a daughter, and that I saved all you're baby clothes. I can give you some clothes for your baby.  
  
"Thanks mom."  
  
The front door opened and Sam McGuire walked into the living room.  
  
All in all Lizzie thought her father had reacted pretty well to the news of her moving to Boston. It had only taken half and hour for him to be convinced. 'It could have been worse.' Lizzie thought.  
  
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On March 15, 2012 Margaret 'Maggie' May McGuire was born. Lizzie was thrilled. A girl. She had been hoping for a girl. But when she as Maggie for the first time sometime stirred inside her head. What would this look like? A single mother who practically ran away from her hometown with her daughter. And then she remembered a girl she had known in high school. Her name was Kathryn, and she had lived alone with her mother. Her mother abused her. Lizzie remembered one night at 1:30 in the morning, Kathryn had showed at her house and asked if she could spend the night on the couch. She had left her house in fear of her drunken mother. It was Miranda who found Kathryn, at the end of her freshman year, dead in the girls' bathroom on the third floor the day before school let out. She didn't think she would have been able to stand a whole summer day in and day out with her mother. Now she wouldn't have to.  
  
The memory only made Lizzie more determined to live peacefully with Maggie. She didn't want to hurt her. Ever. Lizzie looked at her new daughter. "I promise I'll never hurt you." she whispered. And she meant it.  
  
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Lizzie had money saved up. Gordo had left some money. She had saved all the extra money she had for the past nine months and put it in the bank. Her parents had given her money to spend until she got a job in Boston. But that didn't seem like it was going to be long. Lizzie had asked Angela to look at places where there were job openings. She was moving soon and she needed a job. Angela had got her an apartment near the Charles River. Maybe she could get Lizzie a job.  
  
Luckily Maggie was the kind of baby who slept through most of the night, so Lizzie didn't lose that much sleep. She needed the energy to pack and make preparations for moving. Lizzie's parents helped her a lot. They baby-sat Maggie when Lizzie needed to go somewhere, or just needed a free afternoon packing, so she didn't have to hire a sitter.  
  
On the moving day Lizzie packed up her car, said goodbye to everyone, and started to drive to Boston and her new life.  
  
Ok, this chapter marks the end of the prologue (yeah it was long I know). So now the plot develops a bit more, so please keep reading. AND PLEASE REVIEW!!!!  
  
And another thing June 14, 15, & 16 I will be a Cape Cod so don't get mad if the next update is a little late due to lack of writing time.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	5. Lost dreams, New Lives

Holding On  
  
Chapter 5- Lost Dreams, New Lives  
  
David Gordon sleepily rolled over in his bed and reached for the phone. Calls at 3:00 in the morning aren't usually good but he answered the phone. Luckily, the message was a good one.  
  
"Dave? Is that you?" Asked Anthony, Dave's friend.  
  
"Of course it's me. I live alone, who else could it be?"  
  
"Right." Anthony said. "Anyway I have good news-"  
  
"It better be good." Dave said threateningly "You woke me up at three in the morning."  
  
"It's great news. The critics loved the 3rd movie. You did it again. You completed the trilogy flawlessly." Anthony exclaimed.  
  
"That couldn't wait until morning?" Dave said, emotionless.  
  
"No. This is big news, it means people will notice you. It won't be so hard to find another directing job now either."  
  
"Good night, Ant. I've had a long day, I need some sleep." Dave said.  
  
"But I-" Anthony started, but was cut off when Dave hung up.  
  
He didn't feel like sleeping anymore. All day he had paced around his apartment, thinking of an idea for a script. He wanted to direct and write now. But his mind had gone blank; he had had so many ideas just a few years ago, but not now. 'If only Lizzie were here.' Dave thought. 'Then I could probably think up a wonderful idea.' Lizzie had always stimulated his mind, but whether she knew it or not Dave didn't know. All he knew was that he would give up anything-including his career- if he could start over with Lizzie.  
But he hadn't talked to her in nearly three years, the day he last had been the last time she saw her. He had tried to call a year or so later, but found someone else living in the apartment, he had shared with Lizzie. Then he had called Miranda, and she told him Lizzie had moved to Boston a few months before. Devastated, he had tried to forget her, but he couldn't. Now he only wished he could connect with her somehow, to tell her how much he loved her. Staring at his computer he got an idea and nearly screamed in excitement. Sitting down and dating the top of the page as March 15, 2014 he began to write his life--as a script.  
Since he already knew exactly what was going to happen he finished the script a few months later, in June. Selling it in December, production would start in March of 2015-with David Gordon as the director. The movie took 2 months to film, and was set to open in early November.  
  
David was ecstatic. He thought maybe Lizzie might see the movie, and then he might be able to at least be able to talk to her again. He thought of calling her anonymously and telling he to go see the movie. Calling her parents and asking them to tell her to see it wasn't out of the question. All he knew was that if she saw his movie he might have a chance with her again because Lizzie would see how awful he felt. It was his last hope.  
  
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Lizzie felt extremely proud of herself. Possibly even more proud then when she had left home with Maggie. Now that she had started the job she had anticipated for years, she could finally relax. Ever since she moved to Boston, Lizzie had been waiting tables to support herself and Maggie (although she had had some help from her parents). But now, having completed the first month of her new job, for the first time in her life, she wasn't dependant on anyone, and it felt wonderful.  
  
On her way out to pick up Maggie from her pre-school, a man knocked her to the ground. Picking herself she and brushing off her clothes, she got a good look at the man. He was tall, about 6' 2'', with blue eyes and sandy hair.  
  
"That didn't go as well as planned." The man muttered.  
  
"What?" Lizzie inquired, curious.  
  
"I wanted to meet you, but I've always been shy. Bumping into someone I wanted to meet used to work." The man explained. Lizzie laughed, amused. She was surprised he had wanted to meet her so badly to have to resort to adolescent tricks to get her attention.  
  
"You could have just said 'hello'." Lizzie said, still laughing.  
  
"Well, hello."  
  
Her laughing ceased long enough to ask the man for a name. "Who are you?" She asked.  
  
"Jake Brown, Room 101, and I know who you are. Lizzie McGuire, Room 106." Jake replied.  
  
"You may know my name but I'll tell you something you don't know. I have to go pick up my daughter now, I'm already late." Lizzie shot back.  
  
"You-" Jake began, but stopped.  
  
"Don't worry, I'm not married." Lizzie said, seeing the look on his face.  
  
"In that case," Jake said, recovering "would you go to dinner with me on Friday?"  
  
"No." Lizzie said plainly "Friday nights I always sit down and watch a movie with my daughter, Maggie, and this week I believe we're watching Willy Wonka. But I'll go Saturday, if I can find a sitter."  
  
"Alright" Jake said. They quickly exchanged phone numbers & addresses and Lizzie left.  
  
On the way to Maggie school, she began to think, 'Why did I do that?'. She hadn't had a date since she was with Gordo. She wondered if she even trusted Jake, it had all happened so fast, she didn't even think. What would Maggie say? She probably wouldn't understand, after all, she was only three.  
Then there was Gordo's memory. In a way, Lizzie still loved him, but had yet to forgive him for leaving her. But for a while after he left, she used to think that every phone would be him, but it never was.  
  
Coming up on Maggie's school, she put a smile on her face and walked in. She found her daughter waiting her classroom, crying, with one of the teachers present. Lizzie ran to her daughter.  
  
"I thought you forgot me." Maggie sobbed. Immediately Lizzie felt extreme guilt for staying to talk to Jake.  
  
"No, no." Lizzie whispered, picking up Maggie "I had to talk to someone at work. I would never forget you." To herself Lizzie made a promise to never be late again.  
  
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When they reached their apartment Lizzie made Maggie something to eat and then went to her room. There, she cried over a date that wasn't Gordo, and 3,000 miles away, Gordo, not David was crying over one of the saddest movies he had ever seen.  
  
Tell me what you think!!!!! PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	6. Haunting Past

Holding On  
  
Chapter 6- Haunting Past  
  
"Are you sure your alright with this, Maggs?" Lizzie asked her daughter, worriedly. Maggie sighed, tired of this question. It was Saturday, the night of Lizzie's date with Jake. Being nervous, Lizzie had looked for a way out of the date by trying to see if Maggie was upset with her going. But so far it wasn't working.  
  
"Mom, we've been over this already- I don't care!" Maggie said, exasperated. Lizzie was surprised at her reaction. She seemed angry and her reply had, what Lizzie felt, too much rudeness for a three-year-old. But Maggie had always been strangely mature for her age. She understood situations people were in and most other children as young as Maggie weren't like that. She was also smart. Smarter than girls at her age normally were? Lizzie didn't know, but she thought Maggie was special. Sometimes, Lizzie believed Maggie didn't always have a grip on reality. She supposed that was normal for someone Maggie's age, but it still made her worry.  
  
"Don't worry Lizzie, we'll have fun. Right, Maggie?" Angela said cheerfully. Maggie nodded. Lizzie had asked Angela to watch Maggie for the evening while she went out with Jake. The thought of leaving her daughter with someone she barely knew was unthinkable.  
  
"I really appreciate this, Angie." Lizzie muttered, taking her friend aside "But-"  
  
"Listen, you should start dating again." Angela said, reading Lizzie's thoughts. "It's not like he is going to come back."  
  
Lizzie knew she was right, but she couldn't bring herself to it. Jake marked the end of Gordo's involvement in her life that she accepted (although she knew that it had really ended the day he left). She was still thinking of a way out of the date when Jake arrived.  
  
"Are you ready?" He asked her.  
  
"Yeah." She replied. "Bye, Maggie. Be good." She told her daughter, kissing her on the forehead.  
  
"I will." Maggie promised, turning to see her mother leave.  
  
Once Lizzie and Jake left they decided to go to a movie and get dinner after. At the movies Lizzie saw something that had been haunting her for years. Inside the theater, Lizzie quietly watched the coming attractions, but there was one in particular that she paid attention to:  
The screen read in super-script, 'His life was wonderful' then there were shots of the man looking happy. 'Until fortune tore his world apart.' Some disturbing shots followed. 'A film by David Gordon' the narrator said. Lizzie went numb. Her head was spinning and she heard someone in the theater scream. It wasn't until Jake looked at her that she realized she was the one screaming.  
  
Outside in the hallway she felt like a little kid who had just seen a scary movie and needed to be comforted. Jake comforted her.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asked, utterly perplexed.  
  
"No." Lizzie answered, feeling sick. "I know-" she swallowed, thinking she was going to vomit. "that this is strange, but- you have to let me explain."  
  
"Okay." Jake agreed. "Let's just go to dinner then." Lizzie nodded, eager to get out of the theater.  
  
At dinner Lizzie tried to explain what had happened earlier. "I- know the director of that movie. He's someone I never thought I'd hear of again. And when I did, it brought back a lot of things I never wanted to see again." She said.  
  
"Why?" Jake asked, curious.  
  
"Uh, he was a friend" Lizzie explained. "And then some" she muttered.  
  
Jake paused, as if debating what to say. "Maggie's father?" he finally asked. Lizzie stiffened. "I'm sorry." he said quickly. "That's none of my business."  
  
"Yes." Lizzie lied. "Maggie's father." Jake stared, wondering if he dared venture further. Lizzie helped him. "He left, to pursue his career. But.he doesn't know about Maggie."  
  
"I see." Jake replied, and changed the subject.  
  
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Back at home later Lizzie wondered about her conversation with Jake. 'Why did I lie?' she thought. 'Why? Why? Why? Gordo isn't Maggie's father, but he knows about her. Miranda told him shortly after I moved. She said he had called and she told him. So why did I lie?'  
  
Trying to forget the evening she said goodnight to Angela and checked on Maggie. She was soundly asleep in her bed. She looked so beautiful, and Gordo knew about her. If he knew why didn't he come find her, Lizzie wondered. Then she had an awful thought- what if he had already moved on. She had never really believed it was over between them. Even when Jake had asked to see her again earlier, she still thought of Gordo. Lizzie loved and hated him. Loved him for the years they were together. Hated him for leaving her. Getting ready for bed herself she decided to see Gordo's movie when it came out.  
  
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"Hello?" Miranda said, answering her phone. There was a moment of silence where the caller considered hanging up. Deciding against it, he spoke.  
  
"Miranda, I need your help." Gordo blurted out. Miranda went into a shocked silence, she hadn't heard from Gordo in three years. Now he was just calling out of the blue. Why?  
  
"Gordo?" She whispered.  
  
"Yeah, it's me. Will you help me?" he asked quickly.  
  
"What do you need?"  
  
"Tell me Lizzie's address and number." He demanded. Miranda thought for a moment as to why she should give him Lizzie's address. What did he really want?  
  
"Why?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
"Just do it!" he ordered.  
  
"No." She said, her temper rising. "Why should I? You desert her. We don't hear from you in three years and suddenly you want to know where she lives! Well I'm not giving any information. She has a life now and it doesn't include you."  
  
"Why don't you give me her number so she can decide that for herself!" Gordo shouted, angry. Miranda didn't answer, but hung up, disgusted.  
  
"I will find it!" Gordo said to the dead line.  
  
After the call Miranda debated whether or not to call Lizzie and tell her what happened. In the end she decided against it. Some things are better unsaid. But in the end Lizzie would find out.  
  
OK sorry that took so long to post but I went on vacation and was busy. REVIEW and tell me what you think.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	7. Every Parent's Worst Nightmare

Holding On  
  
Chapter 7- Every Parent's Worst Nightmare  
  
The months went on and Lizzie saw Gordo's movie. She liked it a lot, but frequently cried during it as she recognized some of the situations. The movie was exactly like Gordo's life. At the end he had even dedicated the movie to her, by saying 'this movie is dedicated to my friend, and the love of my life-L.M.'. The dedication had greatly scared Lizzie. She didn't know what it meant, but it scared her. Just as she was finally beginning to get over him, he had to say he loved her. Why did everything have to be so complicated?  
  
Lizzie continued to see Jake. He helped her get over Gordo by curing her loneliness. He was always nice to her and Maggie didn't seem to mind when Lizzie went out so she usually accepted his invitations. She had felt that there was no gap in her life anymore, until she saw Gordo's movie. Then she started thinking- what if she had chased after him? What would have happened then? But by the time March rolled around, Lizzie had gotten over the shock of his movie.  
  
"Mom, can Daddy come to my school?" Maggie asked one day at dinner. Lizzie nearly fell off her chair.  
  
She concealed her surprise by responding quickly. "What?" she asked sharply.  
  
"Every time someone has a birthday in my class, my teacher has one parent come in & celebrate." Maggie said plainly. "And you can't come 'cause you have to work, just like you did when I went to the museum." Lizzie racked her brain for someone who would be able to go to Maggie's school.  
  
"Maybe, I could go." Lizzie lied, knowing her boss wouldn't let her take another personal day. Maggie didn't answer but Lizzie knew she believed her. Maybe it had something to do with young kids always believing their parents.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
"No" her boss said plainly.  
  
"Please." Lizzie begged.  
  
"No, you've used up all your personal days."  
  
"This is for my daughter!" She shot back.  
  
"Well, the children here need attention, too, Elizabeth." He said, closing the argument. Lizzie left to go pick up Maggie, still thinking of who could go to her school. Maybe, her father, Maggie's grandfather. He was coming up with Lizzie's mother for Maggie's birthday anyway. They always did, they felt she needed to have a bigger family, so they visited frequently. They always saw each other on Maggie's birthday and on holidays.  
  
After Lizzie picked up Maggie from school and brought her home, she called her father.  
  
"Please." Lizzie begged, after asking her father to come to Boston a few days earlier than he planned.  
  
"Listen, sweetheart, I'm going to have to talk to your mother." He said. "You know she reserved those seats a long time ago."  
  
"I'm sure you can get other seats." She said, praying they would come.  
  
"We'll try." Her father assured her. "I'll call you back, bye." With that she hung up, hopes soaring.  
  
At dinner she told Maggie. "Grandpa or Grandma might be able to come to your school."  
  
"You said that you could." Maggie complained.  
  
"I said maybe."  
  
"Wh-wh-what," Maggie stuttered. Lizzie was shocked. Her daughter never stuttered like other young children unless she was upset, hurt or nervous.  
  
"What's wrong, honey?"  
  
"What-what ab-about.D-Dad?" Maggie asked. Lizzie hung her head, thinking of an answer.  
  
"Dad can't come." Lizzie said. "Remember, when I said there are some things you'll understand when you're older?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Well this is one of those things." Lizzie finished.  
  
"But Alex's dad came for his birthday." Maggie insisted. Lizzie sighed. Alex was Maggie's closest friend. He lived close to them and went to Maggie's school, so they saw each other often.  
  
"Alex's family is different than our family." Lizzie said, struggling to stay calm. Maggie stared at her. "C'mon, bedtime." Maggie reluctantly went to bed.  
  
After Maggie fell asleep Lizzie thought about Maggie's newfound interest in her father. What could she tell her? Nothing that she would understand. Lizzie didn't want to lie, either. One day she would tell Maggie the truth, the whole truth, but until then.. What?  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Maggie's birthday came and went. She turned four-years old. Lizzie was happy for her. People at that age have so few problems. Lizzie's parents did come to Boston and her father went to Maggie's school.  
  
One day Lizzie was running late to pick up Maggie when Jake stopped her.  
  
"Do you remember we have a date tonight?" he asked.  
  
"Oh my God!" Lizzie said. "I completely forgot. Thank you for reminding me, but you've made me even later and I've got to run. See you." And she ran towards her car.  
  
"Bye." Jake said faintly to her retreating back.  
  
Lizzie drove as fast as she could to Maggie's school. When she got there, she rushed inside to find only one person there- Maggie's teacher.  
  
"Excuse me" Lizzie said "but where is Maggie?" The teacher's face suddenly went to color of sour milk.  
  
"She was picked up about twenty minutes ago."  
  
"What?" Lizzie asked, hardly daring to believe it. There was a pause and Lizzie decided not to wait for an answer. She ran to her car and drove home, fast as possible.  
  
Ok that was short I know but the next chp. will be up soon, I promise. In the meantime:  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	8. Tension

Ok it took a little longer than expected to post this chapter because I found a few scenes from an old screenplay I wrote that tied in with this chapter so I had to put them into book form. So sorry if some parts are a bit choppy, but try to imagine it as if you were watching a movie or a play.  
  
I also want to thank the people who reviewed the past couple of chapters- Keep Reviewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
============================================================== Holding On Chapter 8- Tension  
  
Once Lizzie got back to her apartment she checked messages. There were none. That meant Maggie hadn't been picked up by or friend's parent, if she had, they would have called.  
  
With horrible thoughts filling her head, Lizzie called the police and filed a missing person report.  
  
**********************************************************************  
When the police arrived Lizzie dug out photos of Maggie to give them and gave description of her personality. They poured of pictures for what seemed like eternity, while Lizzie became more and more distraught.  
  
"Is this the most recent picture you have of your daughter, Ms. McGuire?" one of the two police officers asked, holding up a photo of Maggie.  
  
"Um, No." Lizzie answered, shifting a heap of photo albums to get a picture of Maggie at her birthday party a few weeks earlier. "This was taken a few weeks ago at her fourth birthday party." She said, showing the officer the picture.  
  
"Good, good." The officer said, studying the picture.  
  
"I have a videotape of that day, too." Lizzie offered. She got up and fetched the tape. When she put it in the player, a new kind of despair washed over her. If they didn't find Maggie, she would never she her again, never have another Friday night movie with her again, never hold her again, and never hear her speak again. Never.  
  
She had never even gotten to fight with her, buy a prom dress for her or help her look at colleges. Maggie's life was just starting. Lizzie hoped to God it wasn't about to end. She thought she had read somewhere that most abducted children were dead within three hours. She hoped that fact was untrue.  
  
Lizzie turned back to the TV. The video was to painful to watch, because she knew there was almost no hope left- she could see it in the policemens' eyes. But she had to hope. Maggie was her daughter.  
  
Unable to watch the tape and look at the way the officers stared hopelessly at the screen, Lizzie retreated to her bedroom, and collapsed on the bed. There, she was so angry she felt if someone had come in she would have attacked him or her. When she finally bottled her anger inside of her she walked to her table and ran her fingers over the smooth surfaces of the expensive-but fragile- pieces of glass and china. Most of the pieces she had gotten as gifts over the years and thought they were too beautiful to be thrown out, even though she had no use for them. Lizzie picked up the first vase and held it in her hands for a moment, thinking about Maggie. Her anger came out and she threw the vase against the wall as hard as she could. It shattered into a thousand pieces. It was for Maggie. She picked up the next piece, and this time- without hesitation- threw it against the wall. Another one for Maggie. She repeated this pattern until all but one vase was gone. This last vase Gordo had given her. She lifted it from where it stood, held it for a moment and threw it out an open window. For Gordo.  
  
Lizzie turned and faced the empty room. She grabbed a broom out of the closet and began to clean the room. When all the broken pieces were in a pile in the middle of the floor, Lizzie wondered why the officers hadn't come in. Surely they must have heard the noise she had been making. She left the bedroom and entered the kitchen to see the policemen sitting, filling out something. When she came in they looked up.  
  
"Are you alright?" one of them asked. Lizzie nodded and realized this was normal for them. They did this every day; to them Maggie was just another abducted child that they would never find.  
  
"What are the chances of ever finding Maggie?" Lizzie asked. She saw the policemen's eyes flicker toward one another for a split second before they answered.  
  
"You've given us a lot of helpful information." One of them replied.  
  
"I want to truth!" Lizzie cried out, tears streaming down her face. But the doorbell rang, saving the officers from answering.  
  
Lizzie went to the door to find Jake standing there. In her whirlwind, Lizzie had forgotten she was supposed to go out with Jake. "Jake!" She screamed. "I-" But she burst into tears again before she could finish.  
  
By the time Jake calmed her down the policemen had left. "Someone took Maggie." Lizzie explained as calmly as possible. Jake stared, understanding her situation. "I just don't know what to do." She cried. "I feel like I should be out there looking for her, but I wouldn't know where to start. I can't stand around here waiting for something to happen, I just can't. I mean I'm not going to let my daughter sit locked up in a closet somewhere crying and wondering why I never came to pick her. I just don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!" Her cries once again became sobs and it took a while for Jake to comfort her.  
  
"Look," He said. "There's nothing you can do right now, so don't think you should be out there looking for her." Lizzie nodded.  
  
Lizzie called several people including, her mother, Miranda, and Angela. Jake never left. He stayed with her all night, sleeping on the couch. The next morning was Saturday, so Lizzie didn't have to go to work. She was sitting in the kitchen when the phone rang. Lizzie was reluctant to answer it but she finally did. "Hello?"  
  
"Mommy?" the voice on the other end said.  
"Maggie?!" Lizzie screamed. "Is that you? Where are you? Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm okay." She said cheerfully. "I'm over Charles."  
  
"What?" Lizzie asked. "Who's Charles?'  
  
"The hotel over Charles." She said gleefully. "I'm with daddy." Lizzie was shocked. She had no idea who Maggie's father was and didn't know how or even why he had bothered to try and find her.  
  
Then she heard a male voice in the background on the other line. "Alright, that's enough." He said. And Lizzie heard a click as he hung up. Jake stared at her. She looked at the floor, her eyes watering. That may have been her only chance to find Maggie and she couldn't understand her own daughter. Then it hit her. She looked at Jake.  
  
"I know where Maggie is." Lizzie said. "She's at the hotel across the river."  
  
In less than five minutes, Lizzie and Jake had piled into her car and were speeding along to find Maggie and Lizzie was also looking forward to seeing who Maggie's 'dad' was.  
  
I hope the next chapter will be posted faster than this one was. I apologize for taking so long.  
  
Once again Please REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	9. Old Friends, New Enemies

Thanks to everyone who reviewed!  
  
Holding On Chapter 9- Old Friends, New Enemies  
  
It took a long time to find out exactly which hotel Maggie was in and which room. With every passing moment Lizzie grew more nervous. With every hotel they checked it was like part of a dark shadow passed over her. If they found the right hotel, the shadow would pass, and if they didn't-she might as well die.  
  
Finally they found what they thought was the correct hotel. Lizzie raced up seven flights of stairs (" Who knows what could happen if we wait for the elevator!" she told Jake.) with Jake on her heels. Sprinting down the hallway to apartment 713 earned her several rude remarks from guests complaining about some thunderous noise. Reaching the door she rang the bell just once as not to arouse suspicion although if it had been her choice she would have broken the door down.  
  
When it eventually opened Lizzie ran past the man who opened the door, hardly even acknowledging him, toward where Maggie sat in a chair, in the room, her legs swinging an inch from the floor.  
  
"Mommy!" Maggie called to Lizzie. Lizzie picked up her daughter and then turned to face the man in the doorway.  
  
"Gordo!" Lizzie screamed. She was in shock. She headed toward the door, hoping to just get out and go home, but he stopped her.  
  
"Lizzie." He said softly, pulling her back. "We need to talk." Lizzie put Maggie outside the doorway with Jake and knelt down to talk to her eye to eye.  
  
"Maggie, go home with Jake. I'll be there soon." She said.  
  
"No. I want to stay here." Maggie replied. Lizzie sighed, if she hadn't just found Maggie she would have made her go home, but it was different now.  
  
"Okay. Wait outside I'll be out in a minute." Lizzie shut the turned and turned to face Gordo. There was so much emotion welling up inside of her. She was angry with Gordo for taking Maggie and she was shocked he thought that Maggie was his daughter. Why did he have to come back now? But she responded to his actions as politely as she could.  
  
"What the hell were you thinking Gordo!?" She yelled at him. "You had me scared out of my wits!"  
  
"I just wanted to meet my daughter. Is that a crime?" He retorted.  
  
"When you abduct a child-yes!"  
  
"I thought you'd be happy to see me. I thought Maggie should meet her father." He rationalized. Obviously he had fallen back on this statement when he saw Lizzie was less than pleased to see him.  
  
"She's not your daughter!" Lizzie hissed. "And even if she was, why didn't you come earlier. It's been five years since you left me!" It felt good Lizzie thought, to throw that in his face, after all he had left her with no warning.  
  
"I didn't know you were pregnant when I left, and I just found out about Maggie." He shot back, now hurt she didn't want him here. He had left, but now he regretted it. He loved directing, but he loved Lizzie more.  
  
"That's a lie!" Lizzie sobbed. "Miranda told you about Maggie a month or so I moved and you didn't care then and don't see why you care now. And I'm not telling you again that's she's not yours!  
  
"Alright. Look, I know I haven't been there for you but I want to be now." He said, ignoring the fact that Lizzie kept telling him Maggie wasn't his.  
  
"Offer declined." Lizzie said, sighing. "I have a life now. It's my life and it doesn't include you." She was unaware Miranda had said these same words to Gordo in a phone conversation.  
  
"I want to be a part of your life now." He offered, making a last stab at making Lizzie happy.  
  
"Yeah? For how long? Until you get another position? No. I'm not doing that again. Neither is my daughter. I'm not going to have you come into her life thinking you can just walk out whenever you feel like it. I won't let that happen." She walked out of the room and was greeted by Maggie and Jake.  
  
"Lizzie." Gordo said behind her. "Can we talk sometime to just work thing out about. you know?" his eyes flickered toward Maggie.  
  
"I don't think so." She said walking away with holding her daughter's hand, and Jake by her side.  
  
Gordo watched her leave, realizing that it might have been over for her, but not for him.  
  
OK that chap. took a long time to post to, but don't blame me- blame my Algebra teacher or the kid who sits in front of for pissing my algebra teacher off & making her give us more homework. Anyway- I wasn't able to post because of all the homework I had, but I hope I can get the next chap. up soon.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW! 


	10. Growing Fear

Holding On Chapter 10- Growing Fear  
  
Lizzie felt so angry with Gordo that she didn't even care that it was the first time in years she had seen him. How could he have taken Maggie with no warning to anyone? Abducting a child was a crime and if Lizzie hadn't loved him once she would have pressed charges, but she wouldn't stoop that low this time.  
  
Then it came down to Maggie. Lizzie knew she was only four, but Lizzie thought she would have know better than to go off with a stranger. So the only thing left was to talk to Maggie. Lizzie had delayed this because she was so happy to have her back that she didn't feel like scolding her daughter. She decided to talk to Maggie before bed.  
  
"Maggs," Lizzie said softly to her daughter. "Why did you leave school with a stranger?" Maggie looked at Lizzie with tearing eyes.  
  
"I want to meet my dad." She said softly. "He said he as my dad, so I went with him." She looked so sad that Lizzie couldn't bring herself to yell at Maggie. After all she was only four. Didn't studies show that it wasn't until a child was about seven years old that they could truly tell the difference between right and wrong? So Lizzie decided that she wouldn't yell but rather teacher Maggie a lesson by scaring her.  
  
"Don't ever, ever go with a stranger again, unless I say so." Lizzie told Maggie in a slightly raised voice. "Not everyone is a nice person some people want to hurt you." she said, then added as an afterthought "or even kill you." It wasn't something that would scare a teenager or even someone who was ten, but it would scare a four year old into never following people they didn't know.  
  
Lizzie looked down at Maggie sitting on the bed, in her room, with wide eyes. She was scared. And why shouldn't she be scared. She didn't have many views on life and death yet except that she feared pain and with death came pain. Most young children think that. "Just don't talk to strangers or follow them." Lizzie said in a softer voice.  
  
"M-mommy I-" Maggie started. Apparently Lizzie's story had scared her more then she had though it would.  
  
"C'mon." Lizzie said picking up Maggie and carrying her to Lizzie's room. "You can sleep with me in here."  
  
Maggie slept, but Lizzie didn't. She kept thinking about Gordo. Lizzie thought she had built a pretty stable life in Boston, even if she was in need of a little money, and she didn't want Gordo to come into her life and tear it up again. She had Maggie to think about this time around. Around 3am she came to the conclusion that she wasn't going to let him back into her life. Lizzie was going to completely ignore him.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
The next morning as Lizzie was waking up and checking the newspaper and she found a letter wedged between the sports section and the movie section. There was no return address, but Lizzie opened it anyway, having a guess that it was from Gordo. She was right. Inside was there was no letter, but a check instead. A check for $5,000. She crushed the check in her hand as Maggie came into the kitchen.  
  
"Good morning!" Maggie said cheerfully, grabbing a piece of toast off the kitchen table.  
  
"Morning." Lizzie said, clutching the check. "We've got to get going." Maggie took a bite of toast and then put it back on the table.  
  
After Lizzie dropped off Maggie she endured a long morning at work. She was still at a loss as to what to do with the check. If she kept it Gordo would surely take it as a sign that she wanted him back. Lizzie knew there was no chance of that.  
  
So by lunch, Lizzie decided to dispose of the check. Walking her usual route down the busy street to lunch she spotted a sewer. Tearing the check into many pieces Lizzie knelt down on the sidewalk and tossed the check's remains into the black sewer. As she watched the pieces flutter she thought if clothes and food fro Maggie, and rent money. She had let it slip through her fingers.  
  
Lizzie felt awful giving up all the money, but she knew it would only encourage Gordo. She didn't need him anymore. She had a love life, even if her sex life was dead. They were two different things, and she intended to keep it that way. Lizzie let Jake ask all the questions he want, and get into her mid. However, when Jake so much as subtly suggested sex Lizzie pretended she hadn't heard. If she didn't have Maggie things might have been different. But now she couldn't afford to make any mistakes.  
  
Someone calling her name broke her train of thought.  
  
"Lizzie!" called Gordo. "Wait up."  
  
"Gordo, what are you doing?" She said, exasperated. Lizzie couldn't say she was surprised to see him, she didn't think he would have given up on her already  
  
"I thought we could talk. Your boss told me you always go to lunch this way." He said. She sighed and looked at him.  
  
"You're not a very good stalker, you know that?" Lizzie told him starting to walk away again. Gordo grabbed her arm to keep her from leaving.  
  
"I'm not stalking you." He said defensively. "So can we talk? Please?"  
  
"Fine." Lizzie said. "But let's make it quick. I'm on my lunch break."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
They went to Gordo's hotel room as quickly as possible for a secure place to talk. Gordo was nervous. This was his one chance to get Lizzie back. He had to fight for his place in her life. However, Lizzie was thinking the opposite. She wanted to verbally back Gordo into a corner to make him see that it was over between them. Only disaster could come.  
  
"Look, Lizzie, all I want is to be a part of your life and my daughter's life." He offered  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you? She's not your daughter." Lizzie said. Gordo ignored her.  
  
"I could help you too." He said, "You wouldn't be struggling anymore."  
  
"OK. First of all, I'm not struggling whatsoever. And second, she's not your daughter!" Lizzie yelled.  
  
"Then whose is she?" Gordo asked fiercely. There was a long silence as Lizzie contemplated telling him everything. She decided against it.  
  
"I don't know." Lizzie said softly.  
  
"So you were sleeping around? While we were together?" Gordo asked, calmly as possible.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Now who's lying? You can't even say who fathered your own child!" Gordo said. Inside he knew he had to stop this conversation for Lizzie would get very upset.  
  
"Are you calling me a slut?" She asked not daring to believe it.  
  
"Slut, whore, hooker, prostitute, whatever floats your boat." The moment he said it he regretted it. He had wanted her back so badly she had gotten low. He had gone way to far. He knew she couldn't stand him now.  
  
She left without saying another word. 


	11. Secrets

Holding On Chapter 11- Secrets  
  
"Mommy, where are we going?" asked Maggie running to keep up with her mother's long strides down the street.  
  
"It'll be fun." Lizzie replied, not answering the question. In truth she was taking Maggie to, as she liked to call it, a self-defense class. Lizzie thought that since she had decided she and Maggie would live in the city Maggie should learn some kind of self-defense, or at least that was what she was going to tell Maggie. Lizzie wanted to prevent Maggie from reliving Lizzie's life.  
  
Arriving at the building Lizzie told Maggie why she had brought he there. "So its like karate?" Maggie asked, staring at the people inside.  
  
"Yeah." Lizzie replied  
  
It was surprisingly easy for Lizzie to drop Maggie off seeing as she was usually very clingy when it came to leaving her daughter somewhere. But it seemed right and Lizzie had to go with her gut feeling. Maggie was going to be fine.  
  
After she left she met Jake to tell him about Gordo. Lizzie felt he had a right to know what was going on, especially after she had lied to him on their first date. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
"He sounds.like an interesting person" Jake said struggling for words after Lizzie had poured out her whole story. Well, almost her whole story.  
  
"Oh he is." She replied, wondering when to correct her lies.  
  
"So, you're living with this guy when he gets you pregnant, then leaves you?" Jake asked, trying to get all his facts straight. "Sounds like its right out of a soap opera."  
  
In spite of her rather serious situation with Gordo at that time, Lizzie laughed. "You know, in high school, Gordo wanted to start off by directing soap operas." She said with a smile on her face, remembering her carefree days. "He said that because his best friends were two girls he got so much drama he was sure he could direct it."  
  
Jake smiled. He liked listening to Lizzie talk about her high school days, but they didn't have much time before Lizzie had to pick Maggie up so he pressed the subject. "Am I right then?" He asked her. Lizzie's smile flickered and she hung her head.  
  
"Not entirely." She said in a barely audible whisper. He stared. "Gordo, didn't know anything when he left, and. he isn't Maggie's father." She said. "And I don't know who is."  
  
Jake nodded, no longer looking at her, but at the floor. "Oh." He managed to say finally. Lizzie could tell what he thought of her now. She could see it in his eyes. She got defensive.  
  
"I'm not a slut, you know." She stated rather forcefully. He looked somewhat taken aback.  
  
"I never said you were." Jake replied. However, he questioned his judgment on Lizzie. To Jake, she had never seemed as if she had ever even been loose. But now he didn't know what to think.  
  
"But you thought it." Lizzie cried, starting to tear. She had never been one to take insults politely. "It.wasn't my fault." Jake, being a quite perceptive person could guess what Lizzie hinted at. He remained silent.  
  
After several minutes sitting in silence, Lizzie spoke up. "Look, I didn't come here to tell you my life story." She started. "I need your advice on how to discourage Gordo from coming back."  
  
There was a pause before Jake answered. "Why do you want to discourage him from coming back?"  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" Lizzie asked, getting of the couch and standing by the window. When she looked at Jake the only that was obvious was that he didn't understand. "I have my own life now." Lizzie continued. "I don't want anyone messing it up."  
  
"Maybe you should give the guy a second chance." Jake suggested. "Just let him be a friend."  
  
"How can I do that?" Lizzie questioned. "After what he did to me. And it's not him leaving me that is the real problem, its him thinking he can take Maggie away without my consent. First, he took her to a hotel overnight. Next, he might want to bring her to LA for three months while he's shooting a movie. Gordo no longer understands that he just can't do that."  
  
"I'm just trying to see it from his point of view." Jake said.  
  
"How can you even try that?" Lizzie asked, sitting back down on the sofa.  
  
"I don't have to try. I know all too well what he's feeling." Jake said, choosing to give up hiding and start facing the truth. As far as he was concerned he had lied to Lizzie long enough. Now that she had told her story, it was his turn to tell his story.  
  
Lizzie was able to guess he was about to tell her something about himself. She knew it would only end in him defending Gordo and she didn't want to start a fight then leave on an unpleasant note.  
  
"I think I should just go." Lizzie suggested, standing up and grabbing her purse. "Maggie will be waiting. I'll talk to you tomorrow." She kissed him and left feeling awful. Lizzie knew she should have listened to what Jake had to say, but she just didn't want to get into another fight with someone.  
  
I'll listen to what he has to say tomorrow. She thought. Tomorrow.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Author's Note Wow. I didn't realize it had been so long between chapters. Almost a month between each one! Anyway I'm really sorry and I hope that I'll be able to update soon, especially since I have a stretch of about a month between the end of soccer and the beginning of skiing with nothing but school. Hopefully I can get in at least two or three chapters there. Please review! 


	12. Most Active Hours of the Day

Holding On  
  
Chapter 12- Most Active Hours of the Day  
  
Lizzie rolled over and looked at the bright red numbers on her clock. 3:03am. She had been lying in her bed for exactly one hour and still wasn't the least bit tired. She kept thinking about Jake. What had he wanted to tell her? Why hadn't she stayed? Turning away from the light of her clock, she saw her phone. Lizzie dialed Jake's number. She couldn't wait until morning. It was tearing her up, not knowing.  
  
The phone rang five times before Jake picked up, feeling upset for being woken up from his slumber. Lizzie couldn't blame him. "Hello?" he answered.  
  
"Jake? Before I left today I sensed you were going to tell me something. So what is it?" Lizzie asked, eager to get straight to the point.  
  
"Lizzie?" Jake said. "How about I come over there because if you start talking now I swear I'm going to fall right back to sleep."  
  
"Alright." She said. She was upset that she had to wait longer. She wanted to know now.  
  
But Lizzie didn't have to wait much longer, for Jake arrived at her apartment in less than fifteen minutes. She was making coffee. "So what were you going to say?" Lizzie asked pouring Jake a cup of coffee.  
  
"I have no idea." Jake groaned, as he fought to stay awake. "What were we talking about? And can it wait until morning?"  
  
Lizzie frowned. "We were talking about Gordo. And it can't wait, besides, you're already here."  
  
"Ok. Just give me a sec to wake up." Jake whispered. He headed to her bathroom and when he came out there was water on his face. Lizzie guessed he had splashed cold water on his face. "Now," He said sounding much more awake. "Gordo is the guy you used to date, and now want to kill. Right?"  
  
"Exactly. And you were saying something like I should give him a second chance because you knew what he was going through. So how do you know what its like for him?" Lizzie asked brightly.  
  
Jake's lips curved upward. "You used to stay out late before Maggie was born, right? 'Cause no one is naturally this energetic at three in the morning. You have to work at it."  
  
Lizzie smiled faintly as she remembered her carefree high school days. "That's beside the point." She said with a hint of amusement in her voice. Jake small smile turned into a bright grin. He laughed as she as blushed scarlet.  
  
"Alright." Lizzie said, realizing that he wouldn't tell her anything unless she gave him an answer as to how she came to be so awake in the early hours of the morning. "When I was a senior in high school I got into this big fight with my best friend and Gordo was the only one who understood me. So, every night I would sneak over his house at exactly 2am then we would talk until four. After the first week or so I became accustomed to only five hours of sleep."  
  
"What happened after that?" Jake asked. Becoming completely engrossed Lizzie's story.  
  
"I made up with my friend about a two months after I started my moonlight voyages, then Gordo asked me out. Didn't seem right to keep up the visits after that. But I still love the early hours of the morning. It's so peaceful in the middle of the black night. You can do anything, go anywhere and no one can stop you, or- disapprove or judge. Its heaven" Lizzie finished. There was a pause "So enough about me. What you haven't made your statement yet."  
  
"Your right." Jake grumbled. "Now here's my story. In high school I started seeing this girl Grace. We stayed together and when I was in collage we had a son, James." He hung his head to hide the tears.  
  
"You left?" Lizzie asked realizing he did know how Gordo felt. Jake swallowed and picked up his head, looking her in the eye.  
  
"Not right away." He said with certain ferocity in his voice. "It was hard, managing the baby & school, it would have been hard even if I wasn't in school, but I didn't leave yet."  
  
There was silence in the room. Lizzie turned her head toward the window. She thought how she had downsized Gordo when Jake had done nearly the same thing. It must have made him feel awful. Lizzie turned back to him, silently telling him to continue.  
  
"After I graduated James turned two and we found out he was autistic. It got to hard right there. I could barely handle a child who communicated easily, but I just couldn't handle a child who was autistic. So I left. Haven't been home since." Jake finished.  
  
"Is that way you teach autistic children?" Lizzie inquired.  
  
Jake nodded. She understood. "It's the only way I feel I can make up for leaving."  
  
"You could always go back." She suggested. "Try to work things out."  
  
Jake snorted. "You won't give Gordo a second chance. It's the same thing isn't it?" Lizzie looked down at her coffee. "And I know Grace she is strong. If I came back she'd slam the door in my face without saying a word." There was silence again.  
  
"So what are you going to do?" Lizzie asked.  
  
"Nothing." Jake answered. "What do you want me to do?"  
  
Lizzie ran her fingernail along to rim of the thick coffee mug. "Did you love him?" She questioned.  
  
"James? Yes. Very much."  
  
"Did you love her?" She finished. She had unveiled the question that most people never dared ask. It was quiet. Electricity hummed in the air. Steam poured from the coffee pot. He needn't have said the answer, Lizzie already knew. But he had replied anyway, maybe making her pay for crossing the line and asking the question.  
  
"Yes." He said finally. But Lizzie's torture wasn't over yet. "Did you love Gordo?" Jake retaliated. Once again silence.  
  
"I think so." She said.  
  
They both knew what they had to do, but were afraid. They couldn't try to make it work out with their pervious lovers. And as they were being pulled toward each other, they were breaking away from Grace and Gordo.  
  
Lizzie broke her rule and let Jake spend the night.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Author's Note:  
I know. I know that chapter was shorter than most of the others, but they'll get longer. But it ended in a cliffhanger, well, sort of.  
  
Keep the reviews coming!!!!!!!!!! 


	13. Scream and Run Away

Holding On  
  
Chapter 13- Scream and Run Away  
  
The last several months of the school year were the worst of the year for Lizzie. Although she heard no more from Gordo she found herself constantly looking over her shoulder expecting to see him lurking behind her begging for her to take him back. But he was never there.  
  
Lately she had been counting off the days until June 15, which was the day her school let out. The reason Lizzie was so eager for her job year to come to an end was because every June when school ended she and Maggie would go and stay with her parents for two weeks. Lizzie felt that now more than ever she wanted to talk to Matt and Miranda. They could be so helpful in hard times. Now it was nearing the June and Lizzie was very excited to be seeing everyone again.  
  
There was still no sign of Gordo, but his absence made Lizzie feel like she was being tricked into a false sense of security. Unfortunately, Jake hadn't made her feel any better, even though he was trying very hard. She just felt like there was something he had to do back home. Although she thought it was stupid to think that Jake had never had a serious relationship before, she was still shocked to find out his secrets.  
  
Talking to anyone back home was a relief and she especially enjoyed talking to Matt because he let her know what was going on with her parents. She couldn't wait to see them. But Jake didn't want her to go.  
  
"I'm just gonna miss you, that's all." Jake mumbled when Lizzie asked him why he insisted she stay in Boston. Lizzie put her hands on her hips and stared at him. She sighed.  
  
"Liar." She accused. "You think I just want to talk to Gordo. Well, your wrong. It's tradition. I visit my Mom and Dad every year and I think its good that Maggie gets to see her grandparents."  
  
Jake stared at the woodworking on the floor. "Ok. Look, I just don't think it's a good idea for you to follow usual tradition if you want to give this Gordo guy the slip."  
  
"It's not like I'm a being chased by a serial killer, for God's sake." She said.  
  
"Well, no. But-" Jake stammered, but Lizzie stopped him.  
  
"Don't." She whispered. "Don't try to fill the gaps. It doesn't help, and it won't solve anything."  
  
"I just do things because they seem right." Jake argued. "I'm not trying to do anything."  
  
"Yes you are." Lizzie said. "Your son is autistic so now you teach autistic children to make up for leaving him. Of course, that's not actually making it up to him, but it's helping you feel better."  
  
Jake stared at her. He knew what she was going to say next. "And then there's me. Or should I say Grace?" Lizzie said, then sighed. "Face it. The only reason we're together is because you need someone and are scared to go back to her."  
  
She had hit him hard with that and he couldn't think of something to say that would please her. Instead of speaking Jake hung his head like a small about to be beat. Lizzie exhaled softly. "Go home, Jake." Lizzie said. "Grace still loves you. I'm sure of it."  
  
"Goodbye, Ms. McGuire." Jake cried. "I'll miss you." He dared take a step closer to her. "Take care of yourself." He said kissing her forehead.  
  
"I already do that." Lizzie called after him as he exited the room. After he left Lizzie, strangely enough, didn't feel any remorse. She almost felt relieved. One problem at a time she kept telling herself. Right now she needed to focus her attention and energy on Gordo and his irritating persistence.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
When the end of the school year finally came Lizzie and Maggie packed all their luggage into Lizzie's small car and started out on their four-day drive from Boston to her hometown of Hillridge.  
  
Upon arriving they were greeted by Lizzie's parents and Matt in the front hall. Lizzie's father picked up his granddaughter and swung her high in the air. She shrieked with pleasure. He laughed, setting her down as Lizzie smiled. As her mother steered her away in to the kitchen, Lizzie left Maggie and her Grandfather to be together.  
  
In the kitchen Lizzie noticed her mother's smile had faded. "You need to go upstairs. There's someone waiting for you." Lizzie knew she meant Gordo, but she was reluctant to go up.  
  
"How long has he been here?"  
  
"Three days."  
  
"What did you tell him?" Lizzie asked, worried.  
  
"Not much." Her mother answered. "Just go to him."  
  
Reluctantly Lizzie went upstairs prepared to throw him out a window if necessary. 


	14. Home Sweet Home

Holding On  
  
Chapter 14- Home Sweet Home  
  
Gordo nervously paced back and forth in Lizzie's old room He was determined not to mess up his chances with Lizzie by getting too edgy and insulting her. That had been the cause of his crushing defeat in their last fight. He sat down on the bed and tried to control his shaking hands. Gordo knew that he was walking on thin ice with Lizzie and if their relationship continued to plunge downhill he would lose her forever.  
  
She entered the room appearing to be calm, but Lizzie felt angry. Hadn't he gotten the message that she didn't want him around anymore? But all he did was stare at her like she was a goddess. She wasn't pleased.  
  
"So what are you here for?" Lizzie asked. Her tone wasn't angry for harsh, but sharp and impatient. It hurt Gordo to already have he angry. He began to wonder if unexpectedly showing up on her vacation had been a good idea. Trying to stay as calm as possible, he finally spoke.  
  
"I just want to talk to you. That's all. Nothing else." It his opinion, it was a weak opening statement, but it had to be said. Lizzie wasn't easy to please now that she could back herself up.  
  
She crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her leg out. Rolling her eyes toward the ceiling, Lizzie sighed heavily in defeat. "Fine." Her voice was harsh this time. Gordo's eyes lit up in surprise and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Really?" He asked hopefully.  
  
"But not while I'm staying with my parents, wait until I go home. And it's just you and me, not Maggie. Got it?" Lizzie was growing impatient. She wanted to catch up with everyone downstairs.  
  
"Sure." Gordo complied. He started out of the room but Lizzie grabbed the back of his collar.  
  
"Don't call my apartment or even think of showing up at my doorstep. I'll call you and we'll meet someplace." She loosened her grip. "Make a wrong move and I won't even talk to you. See you in a few weeks." Lizzie let go of his shirt and gave him a slight shove out the door. He left quietly without saying goodbye to anybody.  
  
Lizzie casually sauantered downstairs and sat on the soft couch between her father and Maggie. "So how are things around here?" She asked. She was trying her best to look normal and calm. She didn't need her parents asking questions about Gordo just yet.  
  
Her mother blinked in surprise the normality of her daughter's voice and behavior. She hesitated before answering. "Uh, everything's been pretty good. Same as always. Nothing new." There was another uncomfortable pause. Lizzie knew everyone was dying to ask her about Gordo, of couse they wouldn't in front of Maggie though. But they would ask about Jake, if she didn't find something to say first.  
  
"Matt, how's the job search coming?" Was the first thing that came to mind. Matt had been out of work for about 10 months after the public relations firm he worked for had to make cutbacks.  
  
"Not bad. I've got another job, but it's not as good as my last one." He sounded happy and Lizzie made a mental note to later ask him why he liked his new job so much. "Is anyone hungry?" He asked, sensing Lizzie was reading his thoughts like she usually did.  
  
"No." Lizzie replied with a smile. She was happy that the conversation had turned to Matt's private life and not hers.  
  
"I am!" Maggie said. Lizzie sighed. She had wanted to talk to Matt. Luckily her father came to her rescue.  
  
"C'mon, Maggs, let's go out to eat." He offered. "Lizzie, you can stay here and rest." But he didn't want Lizzie to rest. He had taken Maggie out of the house so Jo and Matt could here about Lizzie's life with Jake and all about Gordo. He would find out everything later.  
  
"Yeah!" Maggie hopped of the couch and grabbed her grandfather's hand. He did love being with his granddaughter. Maybe it was because it was like it used to be when Lizzie was little. He often wished he could go back to that time.  
  
The second the door slammed Matt turned to his sister. "Lizzie, what did Gordo want?" He asked with a smirk.  
  
"Nothing really." She replied, then she had a thought "So who's the girl?"  
  
Matt looked taken aback. "What?" He asked.  
  
"You've got that look in your eye. The mischievous look. Something's up."  
  
He sighed "Christine. Alright are you happy now?" he began to ask her about Jake, but was cut off by his mother.  
  
"How come I never heard about her?" hi mother inquired.  
  
"Because." Matt said like a teenager.  
  
"Because she married isn't she?" Lizzie asked.  
  
"Not exactly." Matt said, staring at the floor. "More like engaged." Lizzie laughed. She doubted she had ever laughed so hard in her life. Tears sprung from her eyes. "It's not funny." Matt said.  
  
Lizzie calmed herself and spoke. "Matt, you're having an affair with someone who's getting married, it's hilarious."  
  
Matt, still looking at the floor, chortled softly. "I can see where you would think it's funny." He looked up at his mother. "Can we pry into Lizzie's personal life now?" He received no answer so he began the process himself. "How's Jake?"  
  
"He's doesn't come around anymore." Lizzie replied, going along with his game. She figured anything she had to say couldn't be worse than Matt's affair. Her brother grinned maliciously.  
  
"What did you do?" He asked.  
  
Lizzie looked at him in shock. "Why are you so sure it was something I did?" She said. When he didn't answer she stood up. "I'm going to see Miranda. Be back in an hour or so."  
  
Driving over to Miranda's she wondered what she was going to say. She finally decided on telling her about Gordo. Miranda could help her there. After all Gordo had been her friend too.  
  
When she arrived Miranda greeted her very warmly. She hugged her and invited her inside. "Miranda, I need advice on Gordo." Lizzie said when they sat down. "And I need to make this quick, I've got to get back before Maggie does."  
  
"Alright, what do you want to know?" She asked officially.  
  
"Do you think I should give him another chance?" Lizzie asked "and I don't just mean start talking to him, I mean think about letting him move in or something."  
  
"That depends, do you still love him?"  
  
"I never said that I was ever in love with him." Lizzie retorted.  
  
"Denial." Miranda chimed gleefully.  
  
"I don't know. Everything's so mixed up, I still like him, but I don't know if Maggie will. And if she does, what if he gets tired of me like he did last him and leaves? I can't put Maggie through that. And I can't assume that he'll help out because I already told him that she's not his child." Lizzie finished and sat back in her chair.  
"I don't think he cares about the true parentage of Maggie" Miranda said. She glanced at the clock. "Just start talking to him again and a friendly level. That way you can work stuff out."  
  
Lizzie had got the information she needed and left, but not before she promised to come back later and bring Maggie along.  
  
When she got home she decided to wait until after everyone had gone to bed to question Matt about Christine. 


	15. Matt's Side of the Story

Holding On  
  
Chapter 15- Matt's Side of the Story  
  
Lizzie heard three sharp rings coming from the downstairs clock, three a.m. She dragged herself out of bed carefully so she wouldn't wake Maggie. She tiptoed down the hall to her brother's room. She knocked softly on the door. "Matt." She whispered. "Are you awake?" Matt was staying at his parents' house during Lizzie's visit or at least until the plumbing problem in his building was fixed.  
  
There was a stirring noise from inside the room and Matt acknowledged Lizzie's presence. "No." He said, his voice muffled under the covers. She opened the door anyway and shook her brother  
  
"C'mon" She said. "I need to get a man's point of view." Matt muttered something but it was impossible to hear it under the quilt. "What?" Lizzie asked.  
  
"What do you need a man's point of view on?" Matt asked, slightly annoyed at being woken up so early in the morning  
  
"On Gordo!" Lizzie half-shrieked. "What should I do?" Matt stared at her, dumfounded.  
  
"I have absolutely no idea." He said after a pause. "Why?"  
  
She inhaled and wondered if she dared say it. "Because I think I want him back in my life." She dared. He stared at her, amused. Then he broke down and laughed.  
  
"Lizzie." Matt began "You're chasing this guy away every chance you get. Why do you suddenly want to be with him?" It sounded crazy, even to her.  
  
"I guess I just want to see if the old spark is still there." Said Lizzie "And I don't think it's fair to Maggie to grow up without a father figure around, especially when she's so curious about her real father. That's logical, isn't it?"  
  
"No." Matt answered immediately. "But I think I can understand." He said, his tone softening. "Although, you have to remember that you were the one who ran away for years. You can't blame him for everything."  
  
"But Miranda told him where I was and he didn't bother to try and find me for years." Lizzie said. "I can blame him for that." She sighed and fingered the carpet beneath her feet "And I guess the only reason I didn't take him back before was because I don't want Maggie to start to like him only to find that he'll leave again to make a movie and never come back. That would hurt her so much I don't think I could stand it."  
  
"Lizzie, that's not wrong, but just give the guy a chance. I doubt he'll make the same mistake twice. And I doubt he'll be leaving to make another movie. I mean come on, have you seen his movies?"  
  
"I like his movies." Lizzie defended Gordo. Matt glared at her.  
  
"You would." He said. Lizzie didn't want this to turn into a bash Gordo conversation, so she changed the subject. "Ok, enough about Gordo. What about you?" She asked, exposing the real reason she came to speak with Matt.  
  
"What about me?" Matt said curiously, not wanting to venture too much further in this area.  
  
"I want to know about you and Christine." She said plainly. Matt pursed his lips.  
  
"That's nothing, really." He said icily. Lizzie arched an eyebrow.  
  
"Liar." She shot at him. "Come on. You know I'll find out somehow. You might as well tell me."  
  
"It was just a fling, just for fun." He answered weakly.  
  
"Then why do you look so heartbroken?" Lizzie asked. She had never seen her brother so upset and it worried her because she was usually the one who lost her head.  
  
"Because she wouldn't go near me now if I paid her." He said, and then he winced, as if regretting his choice of words. Lizzie paused, as she was about to speak. Then reality hit her.  
  
"Matt." She said softly. "Is Christine a prostitute?" He swallowed and buried his head in his hands.  
  
"Was." He said finally. "She was. But, oh I don't know, she stopped, I guess and uh, chose a different profession." Lizzie looked puzzled so he went on. "I knew her from a few years ago." He stopped, looking hurt. "She didn't even remember me." He said softly.  
  
"But, why?" Lizzie asked. "Why take up with a hooker? It makes no sense."  
  
Matt stared at her. "It makes perfect sense." He told her, his voice stabled now. Lizzie didn't understand, so he went on. "Look at your life, Lizzie. Look at what you have." He said. "You've got a daughter, you've got a guy your crazy about chasing you everywhere, you've got a family here, and great friends back in Boston, and you don't rely on anyone, your able to take care of yourself. I don't have that. I don't know if I ever will."  
  
"Matt, you have a lot. You-" Lizzie started.  
"If you say I have my health I swear to God I will kill you." he hissed through clenched teeth. When he spoke again he was half-shouting. "Look at me! I don't have a girlfriend; I don't have any kids, until a little while ago I didn't even have a job. I have nothing. I don't even think I have my sanity anymore. He stood up and looked out the dark window. Lizzie got up from the floor and stood next to him.  
  
"Matt, you never had any sanity." Lizzie said, trying to lighten he moment. He gave her a piercing glare and she became sympathetic again. "Ok, what does this have to do with you and Christine?"  
  
"Remember when Melina left to go live in Pittsburgh?" Matt asked. Lizzie nodded. It had taken Matt a long time to get over her. He had called Lizzie every night for weeks begging for condolences. "Well around that time I took a look at your life and compared it to mine. The result wasn't comforting, so I found Christine. It was like a rebound thing, I only spent one night with her, but it was long enough to fall for her. I know it's stupid but-" His voice trailed off and Lizzie motioned for him to go on. "When I saw her again it was like heaven. I confronted her, but she didn't remember me. I went home with her that night anyway and she seemed to recall me. The next morning she woke me up early and told me to leave because her fiancée was coming over. I haven't been the same since.  
  
Lizzie stood there in shock, unable to speak. She had been so wrapped up her problems lately that she had failed to notice from her many phone conversations with Matt that he might want to tell her something, to ask her advice on a problem. This was the result. Matt in love with a hooker. It was crazy. Straight out of a soap opera. "Just forget about her." Lizzie said. But she knew he wouldn't.  
  
"I can't." He whimpered. He sat down on the floor and stared at the wall. "I always thought I would fall in love with Melina." He let out a little laugh. "Guess I was wrong." There was a pause where Matt let out a sigh. "If you want a man's point of view, Lizzie. Then take my advice, don't make Gordo go through this. If you really care about him take him back because you may never find someone else. Ever. And I don't think you want to spend the rest of your nights alone."  
  
Lizzie was so shocked she obeyed Matt when he said to go back to bed before Maggie realized she was gone. Back in the comfort of her own bed she thought Matt was right. She didn't want Gordo to suffer. She'd call him when she got back to Boston. Maybe even sooner. 


	16. Early Morning

Holding On  
  
Chapter 16- Early Morning  
  
The next morning Lizzie woke to the smell of pancakes in the frying pan rising slowly from the kitchen up to her room. She ran downstairs to find her mother and Maggie cooking breakfast. Maggie had on a dark blue apron that fell down around her ankles and she was attempting to put the batter in the pan. Jo was making sure she didn't spill it on the newly cleaned floor. When she saw Lizzie in the kitchen she smiled. "Well I found out Maggie doesn't like cereal." She said. Lizzie laughed.  
  
"She doesn't like anything that comes in a box. She loves to cook her meals from scratch." Lizzie said, and then looked at her daughter trying to make pancakes. "Or at least meals she helped make." Her mother raised her eyebrows at Lizzie. "I've decided to think of it as a blessing." Lizzie said. "When she's older she can cook for me."  
  
"Yes!" Maggie exclaimed. She had overheard the conversation between the two women and agreed with everything they said. "I want to cook for Mommy!"  
  
Lizzie looked down at her daughter. "Wonderful." She said, considering herself lucky to have a daughter who was willing to cook for her. Then she took her by the hand and steered her into the bathroom. "We'll get all that batter off your face before you eat."  
  
After they finally scrubbed Maggie, they sat down to breakfast just as Jo was putting it on the table. They sat down and Lizzie's father, Sam, joined them at the table. "Where's Matt?" he asked.  
  
"He went out early." Jo said, seating herself next to her husband. "Said he had a life and death situation to take care of." She said smiling. Lizzie grinned at her brother's exaggeration and his eagerness to deal with his problems.  
  
"What do you plan on doing today?" Sam asked Lizzie.  
  
"I thought I might take Maggie over to Miranda's house." She replied. "She made me promise to visit again."  
  
"Why don't you invite her over here?" Jo suggested. "It would be nice to see her again. She used to be over here all the time when you were in school."  
  
"OK." Lizzie said. She secretly wondered whether or not it would be a good idea to call Gordo and ask him to come over. "Do you think I should call over David Gordon, too?" She asked. Her parents knew he was following her and they stopped eating and starred at her. "Like a reunion. Almost." She said.  
  
Her mother blinked at her in disbelief. "Do whatever you want, Lizzie. Just think before you call." She said and got up to clear the table.  
  
Sam took his granddaughter into the living room to play a board game while Lizzie helped her mother wash the dishes. "You sure you want him to come over?" Jo asked Lizzie, cautiously. She didn't want her daughter to do something she would regret later.  
  
"Yes, mom. I think it's time to talk to him again. He's been ready to talk civilly and now I'm ready too. I don't think I should miss the opportunity." Lizzie replied. She believed every word she had said, and things couldn't get that bad because Miranda was going to be there, too.  
  
"Then call him." Jo said tossing her the phone. Lizzie stared at it. She looked at her mother again.  
  
"I don't know where to reach him. I don't have his number in LA." She said, stalling. Her mother was already going through a pile of letters and notes.  
  
"Here." She said, trusting a small piece of paper at Lizzie. "Gordo left this number when he came to see you the other day. He'll be at that hotel for a week."  
  
Lizzie dialed and walked into the next room to talk privately. Jo started at her daughter. She never thought Lizzie's life would be like this. Working, single mother who lived all the way across the country in Boston. She always thought Lizzie and Gordo would be together and they would have lived close by, or at least in the same state. It also made her sad to think that she only saw Lizzie and Maggie once a year. And she also felt bad that because she knew Lizzie was lonely without Gordo. Even though she had been dating Jake, Lizzie hadn't had someone to help her raise Maggie.  
  
Lizzie waltzed back into the room looking pleased with herself. "He's coming." She stated. "And so is Miranda. I called her too. It'll be our own little reunion. You know the three of us haven't been together for six years."  
  
"Speaking of reunions" Jo started. "Don't you have your ten year high school reunion coming up soon?"  
  
"Really?" Lizzie asked, intrigued. "I wouldn't know. I haven't opened my mail in ages."  
  
"That explains my you don't respond to my letters." Jo muttered.  
  
"Oh." Lizzie said meekly, thinking of the piles of unopened mail she had tossed into the trash. "How do you know about a Hillridge High reunion anyway?"  
  
"I don't." her mother answered. "I guessed. But I'm right. They always have these sorts of parties the tenth summer after you graduate. Ask Miranda and Gordo if they got an invitation yet."  
  
"Ok." Lizzie said. "But I don't even know if I'll be able to go. I mean, it would mean coming back here after I just left. It seems pretty pointless."  
  
"Or you could just extend your visit." Jo said as she finished up the dishes and walked into the living room where Maggie was beating Sam in Chutes and Ladders. Lizzie followed her and sat down next to her daughter.  
  
When she graduated from high school Lizzie never thought this was where she would ten years later. But it was, and she loved it. The ten years hadn't been wasted. She was actually proud of what she had managed to accomplish moving to a new city, finding a new job, and most importantly, raising her daughter. She realized she couldn't wait to see everyone from her high school. 


	17. The Small Reunion

Holding On  
  
Chapter 17- The Small Reunion  
  
"Maggie!" Lizzie called from her room. She was looking for her daughter but couldn't seem to find her anywhere.  
  
"Your father took her out." Jo yelled from the living room. Lizzie stormed in to question her mother.  
  
"Why?!" She asked. Jo looked taken aback.  
  
"He thought it would be nice if you had time alone with Miranda and Gordo without Maggie." She said. Lizzie sighed and sat down heavily on the couch. She had thought that Maggie had left on her own and was starting to worry.  
  
"I mean why does he do this? Take Maggie out all the time." She asked. Her mother sat down next to her.  
  
"He misses you. You as a little girl. I think he's trying to relive those years he had with you." She said. "It's a bit sad, really. But it's good. He's happy. She gets to spend time with her grandfather, and you get a break from watching Maggie day and night. And enjoy it because they'll be gone all day." She smiled.  
  
"But I don't want a break." Lizzie whined. "Every time she's out of my sight I worry constantly until we're together again."  
  
"I think your father can handle her." Jo said, as the doorbell rang. "He was able to handle Matt, and after him anything is easy." Lizzie jumped off the couch and answered the door. It was Miranda. They both squealed like schoolgirls and then proceeded to the living room.  
  
"Did you talk to Gordo yet?" Miranda asked. Lizzie squirmed in her chair.  
  
"Yeah." She said. Uncomfortable with the subject, Lizzie brought up another topic. "Did you get a letter about a high school reunion?" she asked. Miranda nodded.  
  
"It came a few days ago, you probably got one too." She said. "It's next week. Are you going?"  
  
"Don't know. Are you?" Lizzie wanted to go, but she didn't think she would go if Miranda wasn't planning to.  
  
"I guess." She sighed. "But I don't have anyone to bring." She groaned.  
  
"That's OK." Lizzie said encouragingly. "Neither do I." She wanted to go with Gordo, but she didn't know if it would work. After all, she felt she had treated him pretty badly and she wouldn't be surprised if he didn't want to go with her.  
  
"You have Gordo." Miranda pointed out.  
  
"Maybe." Lizzie said skeptically. "Just ask the first guy you see, no matter who he is." As if on cue, Matt came in the front door, banged his head on the wall, and groaned. The two women laughed.  
  
"He's the first guy I see." Miranda said giggling. "Matt." She called out. He turned to face her.  
  
"Yeah?" He asked.  
  
"You want to go to a high school reunion with me?" She asked. He looked from Miranda to Lizzie curiously.  
  
"Me?" As eager as he was to accept, he wasn't sure if they were playing a trick on him, or if her offer was genuine.  
  
"Yeah" Miranda said. "I'm desperate." She whined. And she was desperate, at least enough to ask her best friend's little brother to accompany her.  
  
"Thanks." Matt said, pretending to be hurt. He recovered and answered. "But I'll go."  
  
"It's next Saturday. Are you free?" She asked, half-hoping he wouldn't be. He laughed hollowly.  
  
"I'm always free." He said rather darkly and turned as the doorbell rang. "Ah, Gordo." Matt grinned evilly as he whisked away Miranda, leaving Lizzie and Gordo alone.  
  
Gordo looked at the ground as Lizzie gave him a death stare. It was all she could do because she didn't know what to say. So he decided to speak first. "Lizzie, Matt said you guys were talking about our high school reunion next Saturday and-"  
  
"I'd love to." She cut him off. He smiled at her. He was happy she was eager to go with him, but a little surprised. Before, he hadn't been sure that she would even talk to him, and when she had called and asked if he wanted to come over, he had leapt for joy. Now, he felt like rejoicing again, but refrained.  
  
"Really?" He was still shocked she agreed. She nodded.  
  
"I can't keep avoiding you forever." She reasoned. "Even if I wanted to." Lizzie smiled at him signaling that she had decided they had a chance of working things out.  
  
"Lizzie, we have a lot of things to work out, and talk about." Gordo told her. He was thrilled she wanted to give him another chance, but thought they should start patching things up sooner rather than later.  
  
"I know," She said gently. "But not today. We can discuss everything some other time, today is just a day to have fun, like we used to when we were kids." He nodded in agreement. They walked into the kitchen to find Matt and Miranda discussing Matt's day at Hillridge Jr. High when he confused everyone by pretending to have skipped three grades.  
  
"I see you two already have this reunion started." Gordo commented. They laughed, creating a warm atmosphere. Matt exited, leaving the three childhood friends alone. They stared at each other for a moment until Miranda couldn't contain herself anymore and asked about what was going on between Lizzie and Gordo. "Hey, whatever happened to privacy?" Gordo joked.  
  
"There is none with me around." She informed him.  
  
"Wonderful." He said sarcastically. But he didn't mind telling Miranda about his personal life. She was his close friend, and always had been. He hoped she always would be. As he watched Lizzie pull Miranda away to fill her in, he was reminded of the careless Jr. High and High School years. He wished for those years now more than ever, back when everything had seemed so simple. But seeing the three of them together now together, he had hope that he and Lizzie could work things out. 


	18. Chapter 18

Ok, so I've decided to start this story up again. I kinda forgot about it, but now that I found it I'll be writing more.

Holding On

Chapter 18- The School Reunion

The night of the school reunion, Lizzie was very anxious. She knew she shouldn't be because she had gone out with Gordo so many times before, but this time was different. She spent a long time in front of he mirror perfecting her look. Of course Gordo wouldn't have cared what she looked like. Looks were only good for first impressions. She and Gordo had known each other since they were born and he longer even noticed if she looked less than perfect. To him, she would always be Lizzie.

Downstairs Sam was eating making himself dinner. When Lizzie walked in he took a moment to stare at his daughter. Every time she came home to visit she looked less and less like his little girl. It made him sad, yet he also felt proud of everything she had done. "Where's Maggie?" she asked.

"Upstairs getting ready for bed." He answered. It was almost 8. Lizzie was supposed to meet Gordo at 8, and it was also the time Maggie went to bed. She decided she could be five minutes late in meeting Gordo so she could tuck Maggie in herself. She climbed to stairs and found Maggie in her room.

"Ready for bed, sweetie?" she asked her. She nodded. "OK, let's get you tucked in."

"Will you come in and see me when you get home?" Maggie asked.

"I think you might be asleep." Lizzie replied. She knew her daughter was tired and would most likely fall asleep soon after she left.

"What if I'm still awake? Will you check on me?" Maggie got nervous if Lizzie wasn't there when she went to sleep.

"I'll check on you. I promise." Lizzie said. "But try and sleep."

As soon as Maggie was in bed Lizzie hurried downstairs and out the door. Matt was waiting for her at the car. They were meeting Miranda and Gordo at the school. "Oh, good. You're here." Matt began. "Because I'd thought that when you didn't come out of the house that you forgot." Lizzie glared at him.

"I was putting Maggie down." She said. She was slightly annoyed with Matt. She wasn't running that late, so why did he have to make jokes.

Gordo and Miranda were waiting outside the school for their dates. Once Lizzie's car pulled up, Matt jumped out and went inside with Miranda after she said hello to Lizzie. Gordo and Lizzie lingered behind and stood outside the doors. "Don't you want to go in?" she asked.

"Not really." He replied, starring at the ground. He never got along with a lot of the people in their class so it was understandable that he wouldn't want to see them, but he was always talking about how he was going to be the successful one at their reunions.

"What? And miss a perfect opportunity to brag about what a great director you've become? No way, I can't let you do that." She stared at him. Obviously she wasn't the only one who was nervous about how this night turned out.

"I don't want to make things worse between us. It seems like every time I see you, that's just what I do." Tonight needed to be perfect if he wanted to get back together with Lizzie.

"Gordo, I want this to work, too. I've done a lot of thinking, especially after you came over the other day, and I realized that I missed you. I've been missed you since we broke up years ago." It felt good to finally say what she was thinking. "So come on. Let's go in."

They walked in to see their old gym decorated with streamers and lights. Familiar faces were everywhere and for a moment it seemed as though they were truly back in High School, where their only problems were finals and college applications. As Lizzie glanced around, she spotted Ethan Craft. She walked over to him. "Hey, Ethan." She hugged him.

"Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. It's good to see you again. I heard you moved to Boston."

"Yeah, I'm visiting my parents now, but I really like Boston."

"Do you ever think about moving back?" Ethan loved Hillridge, and she knew he couldn't understand why anyone would want to leave.

"I used to, but my job is there and Maggie loves it."

"Maggie? Is this your…" He trailed off, not knowing who she was.

"…daughter. She's my daughter." She was suddenly aware of Gordo standing next to her. She saw Ethan's eyes flick over to Gordo. Should she say he was Maggie's father? After all, she didn't actually know, but she certainly wasn't going to say that. Luckily, she was saved by the presence of a woman appearing at Ethan's side.

"Oh, Lizzie, Gordon, this is my wife, Stefanie." She was tall, But not as tall as Ethan. She was thin, had long dirty blond hair that fell past her shoulders, and was wearing a silver strapless dress. Her beauty was slightly intimidating to Lizzie. They talked with the couple for a while. Ethan and Stefanie had met in Alaska on trip Ethan's family had taken when he was 21. She lived had there, but was anxious to leave. He had actually stayed in Alaska for a short period before they were married. After the wedding, they had moved to Hillridge together. She was lovely woman and was perfect for Ethan: they both shared the same IQ.

After speaking with them for a long time, they spotted Kate Sanders. She was with a man they did not recognize. "Quick, we can duck away before she sees us." Lizzie proposed.

"Lizzie, you guys hated each other years ago. Don't you think it's time you both grew up and were civil to each other?" Gordo was sick of all the feuding. It had gone on too long.

Kate saw Lizzie and Gordo as she crossed the gym. Her smile faltered when she saw Lizzie. "Lizzie." She said curtly.

"Kate." Lizzie replied coldly. Kate walked past her and a stunned Gordo.

"Lizzie. You are 28 years old. You've raised a daughter by yourself, moved across the continent to start a brand new career and yet you still can't make peace with Kate even though your fight was 10 years ago?" He tried to understand this, but to no avail.

Lizzie stared at Gordo trying to make sense of her actions. "Some things never change she told him. Just live with it." She stood next to Gordo, shaking his head, when she heard an old favorite song of hers being played. "Come on" She grabbed his hands and dragged him to the dance floor. "We're dancing." He was reluctant, but finally gave in. As they danced, he whispered "Lizzie, I love you." His tone was so faint that he didn't think she heard him. When the song was over, she kissed him and said "I love you, too."

When it was time to leave, they sat in her car, waiting for Matt so Lizzie could go home. Gordo was trying his best to get back into Lizzie's life. "I mean it, I really want to try."

"I know, and I want it too, but I can't just leave Boston."

"You're not listening to me, Lizzie. I said that I want to try and that means I would be the one moving. To Boston." He was serious and she was shocked.

"But if you move, you won't be able to direct anymore. I can't ask you to give that up, you love it." She knew he had dreamed of it since he was a kid.

"There will be opportunities for me in Boston, I could teach a film course. And that's just one example. I just want to be near you and Maggie." Lizzie's heart sank at the mention of Maggie. She still didn't know if Gordo was here father.

"Gordo, that sounds wonderful, but…Maggie may not be-" She didn't know how to say this.

"I know that. You've told me before, but tell me this: Who else could it be? Were you with someone else when we were together? I love you, Lizzie, and I swear I won't judge or get mad."

Lizzie was silent, but she decided to tell him. "It's nothing like that, Gordo." She could feel tears well up in her eyes, but she blinked them back. "When you were in LA for an interview, I was walking home from work and there was this guy and he attacked me…" She could no longer keep to tears away; they came streaming down her face as she remembered all the painful memories that stemmed from that one night. Gordo was in a state of shock. He pulled her in as he tried to grasp what had just been revealed.

"Lizzie, I am so sorry you had to go through that." He just hugged her. When her tears finally slowed he asked "But now, I mean, you're so independent. How did you just get over it?"

"I did not just get over it." She said bitterly. "I couldn't be alone for months afterward. When I went to Boston for my friend Ang's wedding, right after that night, I was so scared I slept with a knife under my pillow. She was worried about me and so I started sleeping in her bed, I was so scared. I got a license to carry mace." She grabbed her purse and pulled out a small bottle. She handed it to him. "See. I couldn't even be in a relationship for almost 5 years. Jake was the first person I let into my life afterward. It was hell, Gordo. It still is, but, I don't know, when I'm with you I feel a little bit safer."

There was a tap on the window and she let out a small scream. Turning, she saw it was only her brother. "Hey, Miranda and I are gonna go out and get some dinner. You wanna come?"

"It's one in the morning and plus you already ate at the party. There was a buffet." She said.

"Drinks then?" Matt tried.

"Whatever." Lizzie said. She was tired. "I'm going home so get your own ride." She started to engine and drove off leaving a confused Matt behind.

They rode in silence for a while until Lizzie spoke. "I'll drive you home." Gordo had already realized that his car was parked back at the school, but he would take the bus and pick it up in the morning. He wanted a little more time alone with Lizzie.

"So what do you say, Lizzie? About me moving to Boston? I wouldn't have to live with you, at least not at first." He was determined.

"What about Maggie?" She asked.

"She likes me." He said. "And I wouldn't live with you, so it won't be too jarring for her."

"No, that's not what I mean." She said. "Would it bother you? And how would we-"

"Lizzie. There's a chance she could be mine, and that's good enough for me. I'm prepared to love her…as a father." They pulled into Gordo's parent's driveway. "Just think about it Lizzie." He kissed her. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." He started to get out of the car, but she pulled him back.

"I want you to come." She decided. "I love you. And I want to be back in my life."

He kissed her fiercely, and she could feel it in his kiss. He wanted it, and she did too, but not now. Not yet. She pushed him away. "Not tonight." She whispered. He nodded and walked into the house, looking slightly ashamed.

She drove home thinking about her decision to welcome him back into her life. When she arrived home she went upstairs to check on Maggie. In her own bed that night, she knew she had done the best thing. And she was excited about it.


	19. Buyer's Remorse

Holding On

Chapter 19- Buyer's Remorse

The next morning, Lizzie woke to the smell of waffles from downstairs. She guessed it was her dad cooking, and after venturing down the stair, she realized she was correct. "Good morning." She said.

"Morning, Lizzie." Sam put a plate in front of her. Matt came bounding down the stairs and sat down across from the table from her. "Did you guys have fun last night?"

Matt nodded and began to tell his father about his night. Maggie went over to Lizzie and sat down next to her. "You didn't come in to check on me last night." She said.

"I did, sweetie, but you were asleep." She thought that maybe one day it would be her and Gordo checking on Maggie.

"What are you planning on doing today?" Sam asked the table.

"I was thinking of taking Maggie to the zoo." Lizzie said. She was also thinking that Gordo could join them, but she wasn't ready to tell her family about her decision to let him back into her life. At least not yet.

After breakfast she called Gordo. Today was the start of their life together and she was anxious to see if it would even last one family outing. Fortunately, he was anxious too, and agreed to accompany them to the zoo. "I'd love to go" he had said when she asked him.

Luckily, the trip went well and it suddenly dawned on Lizzie that she would soon be leaving Hillridge to go back to Boston. She and Gordo had decided to wait until they were back in Boston to inform Maggie of their relationship. They thought that she would feel better about it if she was in a more familiar environment. However, Lizzie knew she would have to tell her parents before she left. She didn't know why it was so hard for her. They already liked Gordo, but maybe that was what made it so hard. Seeing her parents so happy for her, and knowing that if it didn't work out, they would be crushed. She then pushed her insecurities aside and resolved to tell her parents after dinner that night.

She called Gordo in the evening to see if he would like to come over for dinner so he could be there when she told her parents. As the phone rang, it suddenly dawned on her that she never did this with Jake. He had never even met her parents, and when she told them that they were dating, she had not fretted over it at all. Gordo was different, she had always known that, but she realized now how important that was. "Hello?" Gordo answered the phone.

"Hey, Gordo. It's me." Years ago their greetings had become informal. "Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?"

"Sure. What's the occasion?"

"I want to tell my parents about us. I think Matt already guesses, and he probably told Miranda." Lizzie noted that Matt had been with Miranda all day.

"What about Maggie?" Gordo had been against waiting to tell Maggie, but Lizzie had finally won him over, saying that she knew her daughter and it was better to wait.

"We can still wait to tell her, but my parents need to be told tonight." Her parents would be hurt if she kept them out of the loop for too long.

"What was it you wanted to say, Lizzie?" her mother asked her. It was after dinner later that night and Maggie was already in bed. Sam and Jo sat across from Lizzie and Gordo in the family room. Matt had had Miranda over for dinner, too, but the couple was no where to be found. However, prior to dinner, Matt had told Lizzie that he had indeed guessed what was going on with her and Gordo. She filled him in on the blanks and she suspected that he had already relayed the information to Miranda.

"Gordo's going to move to Boston with me." She blurted out, not as eloquent as she would have liked.

"Does that mean…" her mother trailed off as she looked at Sam. They both smiled. It was obvious they were pleased, they couldn't think of anyone better for Lizzie than Gordo, and they had rooted for him since the beginning. Nothing would give them greater pleasure than to see them finally end up together. "That's fantastic, sweetie." Jo told her. "I always knew you two would get back together. I always said it."

With her family's reaction, she felt as if they were, however unwillingly, putting more pressure on her. It was something that kept her awake late that night. What if the relationship failed? That was all she could think about for hours. Sometime around 3am she realized that she was dooming it to fail with that attitude. She needed to be more positive if she wanted it to work. She loved Gordo, and he loved her. That much she knew. But there were also other elements to consider; what about Maggie's feelings? She would most definitely have a say in this, especially as she got older. And there was also Gordo's job, or lack thereof, to consider. He loved directing and she couldn't honestly expect him to give it up without experiencing some kind of remorse. Could she even expect him to give it up at all? She scolded herself for not thinking this through.

In two days she and Gordo and Maggie would drive back to Boston together, but then what? When they got back there would be so many obstacles to face. She hadn't had these feelings the first time she began a relationship with Gordo, or when she was dating Jake. This was something entirely new to her. It scared her to the point of where she got a tight knot in her stomach. The knot burned there until she finally fell into a restless sleep.

Two days later she stood in front of her parents' house with a loaded car and the same knot in her stomach. Gordo sat in the passenger seat and Maggie was strapped in the backseat, eager to get going.

"Call when you stop for the night." Her mother told her as they hugged.

"We will." She promised. It was strange to say 'we' before it had always been 'I'. She moved next to her father, who hugged her. She kissed him on the cheek. Matt was next he also embraced her. Miranda was last. As they said their goodbyes, Lizzie wished her and Matt good luck. Ever since the reunion, they had become very close.

She slid into the drivers' seat and watched her childhood home slip away into the distance. As they drove, Gordo leaned over and kissed her quickly while Maggie studied the landscape out he window. Almost immediately the knot in her stomach melted. She then realized all she needed was Gordo. All the extra stuff, where they lived, what his job was. That was extra. She suddenly felt no worries. Everything would turn out for the best in the end, and right now, she believed being with Gordo was the best thing possible.

THE END


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